Has My Husband Destroyed our Marriage?

by Elham
(Tehran, Iran)

I have been married for nine years. My husband and I are both well educated. I did not want to have any kids for the first five years until I make sure of many things and that my husband and I would make good parents.

Now we have a lovely three and a half year-old daughter who is so mature for her age and too sensitive for her age too. It has been a while that my husband and I have been on very seriously bad terms together.

While we were engaged (years back), he happened to find out about a letter I had written to a boyfriend and it really made him go mad, but he pulled himself together and said that he would forgive me and forger and we got married then!

However, a few nights ago he told me that he had never been able to get over it and he is still keeping the letter and since then he himself has started extramarital affairs! When I was pregnant, I once caught him talking on the phone with a girl and I got mad at him.

Due to our unborn child, I too decided to forgive and forget, but the fact is I have not and I actually lost my faith in him and I have not been able to trust him ever since. We find each other unbearable.

He thinks I always nag and I think he does not pay any attention to me and our kid at all. We (my daughter and I) feel left on our own. He never accompanies us to parties or trips. He does not like to go out to parks or restaurants.

He told me the other day that he does not love me anymore and I do not either. He said our life together is over and he cannot give me any other chances as he thinks it is not going to work between us.

He is suspicious of me too and he thinks I have many male pen pals all over the world and he thinks I enjoy talking with them more than doing anything else in this world.

I am a teacher and I have my own apartment and car and he thinks we'd be both better off after we get divorced. Another conflict between us is that he wants to have another child (preferably a baby boy) and I cannot at all bring myself to have another baby at all.

I am 36 and he is 41. I think I cannot just have one more kid. I am even willing to get divorced rather than have another kid. It is just beyond me. Therefore, I am so confused. I am so worried about my daughter.

He says he will give me the custody of our girl until I be remarried again. I feel badly hurt and humiliated. He has badly hurt my pride and self-esteem as a woman. He loses his temper so easily and curses me then in front of our girl.

I feel so bad as a woman. He has been unfaithful and he says he will never change and he will never stop such affairs. He also uses opium too which is so hard for me to bear with. I am at a loss.

Should I get divorced and go on with my own life and my daughter? Should I grin and bear with this situation as he keeps saying that he won't change?

Comments:

Cut it short and get divorced calmly. Despite this, I wished that you have organized your problem and told your story one point after another. Timing is very important to read the whole problem in a proper way, understand it and then suggest a solution.

It is not logical to consider pastime relation a problem and get oneself suspicious about such matter and react to such matter by having affairs.

** Always follow your intuition if you feel that you are not sinful in any way (when you are very pure).

Always, write as much details and provide personal information in such matters.



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